


In Pieces

by GhostsThough



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Gen, M/M, Work Up For Adoption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5902804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostsThough/pseuds/GhostsThough
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With his Father in the hospital and his Mother long-gone, Ludwig is taken in by his sister, Gillian, who has changed more than he could ever fathom.<br/>FTM/Transgender male!Gilbert</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is supposed to be comedic, so don’t let those warnings turn you away.  
> I originally planned to post this as a long one shot, but decided to divide it up instead, since I have 7,000 words written for this fan fiction so far. I plan to divide this up into five chapters, but that may change. 
> 
> Pairings: Gilbert x Romano, Ivan x Matthew, and Ludwig crushing on Matthew.   
> ALTHOUGH there are pairings listed, this is not a romance story, therefore all these pairings are established and are mostly mentioned or glimpsed at with their interactions.   
> Beta: TheClassicFit – Thank you so much! Your advice and edits have been very helpful. 
> 
> Inspired by "I'm Still Here" by Vertical Horizon -- seriously, listen to the song some time.

When Ludwig was told his brother was coming to pick him up, the first thing to leave his lips was, "I don't have a brother."

The police receptionist blinked, and furrowed her eyebrows. "You are Ludwig Bel..Belshmit—"

" _Beilschmidt_ ," Ludwig said. 

"The man said his name was Gilbert Bel…well, however you pronounce your last name." The woman frowned. "Are you sure you don't know him?"

_Gilbert…_

Yells, slamming doors, and the thump of someone punching the wall flashed through his mind. It made him dizzy and feverish. He blinked, and wiped his palms on his pants. "I know a _Gillian_ Beilschmidt. I'm sure that's who you are talking about…Maybe you misheard."

"Maybe," the receptionist said, but she gave Ludwig a careful, considering look. She gestured towards the plastic seats in the waiting area. "Well, they said they'd be here soon.” Ludwig looked back at the room with distaste, feeling phantom aches from sitting and waiting to know where he would live now that his home was gone.

Sighing, he returned to the waiting area and sat down, trying his best to make himself comfortable. 

He knew a Gilbert. The name stuck to him like glue for years, buried under layers of denial and reprimands from Father as he roughly grabbed Ludwig's arm and dragged him into the kitchen the first time Father heard the name "Gilbert" leave his mouth.

_"Do not ever use that name, do you understand?"_ Father did not so much as ask, but demand, and at five and scared of anything taller, Ludwig was quick to nod his head. 

 Ludwig wiped a hand down his face, feeling stubble grate against his fingertips. That was a long time ago; he was tall (and gangly) at fifteen. He didn't need to fear a man short with age. But it's been only days since he last saw his Father. To hear the receptionist say "Gilbert" with such ease, when Ludwig couldn't, made something fester in his chest.

He shoved and swallowed it down thickly, grabbing a magazine to try and ignore his twitching fingers. In People's magazine, he caught a glimpse of an article about an actress losing 50 pounds, but didn't notice much else as he mindlessly flipped through the glossy pages. 

His sister was always different. For one, she was albino, with red eyes, white hair, and pale skin. Then there was her typewriter. Growing up, Ludwig wished he could tune out the clashes and dings. (But, to make up for it, Gillian let him touch the dots…sometimes Ludwig would smoosh them for fun.) But the weirdest thing was that Gillian liked wearing boy clothes. In fifth grade she tried to feminize her wardrobe, but as soon as sixth grade hit, she switched to a style more in between and gothic; sweatpants, baggy black shirts, and long hair plastered to her scalp…when Mom was in the picture, she always tried to run a comb through Gillian's hair, but was always swatted away.

Mom left later that year, with broken promises to call and something about depression.

Then seventh grade… People Magazine crinkled in his grip…Gillian asked Ludwig to call her Gilbert. Refer to her as Ludwig's older _brother._

After Dad was through yelling at poor little Ludwig, he went after Gillian.

Gillian was never the same after that.

Only a few years later, when Gillian was 16, Ludwig was startled awake when the front door slammed shut, and a blue convertible backed out of the driveway. Francis, Gillian's friend, owned a blue convertible. 

_‘This will be the first time we've seen each other in years,’_ Ludwig thought, and the flutters in his stomach increased.

They didn't have any other family, and with Mom who-knows-where and Dad in the hospital with liver cancer, it was just surprising to hear that a _Gilbert Beilschmidt_ agreed to take him in.

After an hour, he spotted someone short walk in, with a black hood over their head, dappled with droplets from the rain.

The person presented their driver's license to the receptionist. The stranger shuffled, leaving streaks of mud on the white linoleum floors. After few minutes, their license was returned, and the receptionist said Ludwig's name.

Darting a look through his bangs, Ludwig saw the receptionist point at him, and the stranger turned.

Underneath the black hood, red eyes connected with his from behind long white bangs.

Ludwig instantly jumped to his feet, magazine falling to the floor. "G-Gillian!" He paused, flushing at his outburst, rewound, and squared his shoulders and put on his best poker face as Gillian approached him.

Her eyes shook and her mouth wobbled, as if she was unsure as to whether or not she wished to grin or should keep on frowning.

But soon a wide, familiar grin stretched across her face. "Ludwig."

Ludwig nodded. "Gillian." Gillian's smile faltered; she shifted her weight to her other foot and started tapping.

"You ready to go?"

Ludwig glanced back at the plastic chair, then at Gillian. "Yes," he said, trying not to sound too eager.

"Bags?"

He shrugged his shoulder, causing the drawstring bag there to swing. "Only this."

"Okay, awesome." Gillian swiveled on her heels, and waved for him to follow her.

They slipped into silence. From behind, Ludwig took note of the fact that he stood taller than Gillian now – his old nickname "shorty" now invalid – and how his sister didn't shrink in on herself anymore. The line of her shoulders was straight, tense, with hands casually tucked into her hoodie's pockets. Briefly he caught a glimpse of plaid boxers – he literally had to bite down on his tongue to resist ordering her to pull her pants up…but well, no need to add embarrassment to this.

The rain was coming down harder now. Still underneath the cover of the police station, Ludwig stopped beside Gillian. "So…where's the car?" Ludwig asked, a little scared. He did not want to get wet.

"Some dude took the closest spot….asshole is gone now," Gillian snarled, angrily gesticulating at the empty parking spot next to the handicapped space. "Matt had to park somewhere else."

"Matt?"

"My roommate."

"You live in an apartment?"

"Yup."

Both fell quiet. Gillian fished out a ratty flip phone and swept her fingers over the keys, texting someone. In the faint light coming from the police station's glass doors, Ludwig made out brail on the keys.

"I texted Matt and told him to get over here. He should be here soon; he's just stopping to get gas."

"Where's your apartment?"

"A few towns over, not too far. Probably a two hour drive."

The silence returned, leaving both siblings awkwardly standing at the entrance of the police station, avoiding all eye contact. Much to their luck, very soon a red hardtop car pulled up in front of the station. Through the steamed over windows, Ludwig spotted the dark shadow of man in the driver's seat.

"Finally!" Gillian waved a hand at Ludwig, signaling him to follow as she ran for the passenger seat. Belatedly she yelled, "Back seat!" to her brother, who obeyed her instruction and slipped into the seat behind Gillian's.

Settling in, he glanced up at the driver's seat to see Gillian's roommate, Matt. The first thing he noticed was his long strawberry blonde hair, fanning out around his shoulders; second, his blue eyes that peered back at him from behind red framed glasses in the rearview mirror.

"Damn, it's freezing!" Gillian complained, puffing into the palms of her hands, then rubbing them together. Matt made a show of cranking up the heat up all the way, much to Gillian's delight. She positioned her hands over the air vents, looking like a camper warming her hands over a campfire.

Ludwig watched Matt roll his eyes before he twisted in his seat to face him, smiling kindly.

"You must be Ludwig." Matt's voice was soft, not at all fitting someone of his physique. Now facing him, Ludwig saw that his baggy black t-shirt had a picture of Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha fighting on the front. The shirt was showing off a decent amount of muscle.

The man held a hand out in greeting. "I'm Matthew."

"But everyone either calls him Matt or Matty – might as well just pick one," Gillian interrupted, earning a side glare from Matthew.

"Matt is just fine." Matthew's smile was noticeably strained now.

Ludwig spent a moment staring at Matthew's hand before snapping out of his shock to shake it. "Ludwig."

Matthew's grip was strong and firm. The teen felt his hand and cheeks prickle with warmth.

"So you're Gil's little brother." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gillian's shoulder's relax.

Sidetracked, Ludwig barely tuned back in time to hear Matthew say: "To be honest, I half expected you to have white hair and red eyes like Gil."

"Nope, that's just Gillian." He felt Matt's grip loosen and soon drop away from his altogether.

Wrinkles appeared at the corner of Matt's eyes and his smile disappeared. He glanced over at Gillian before returning his stare to Ludwig's. "Right."

Conversation fell away. Matt turned away to start driving and Gillian was silent, eyes closed and temple resting against the car's dank glass.

Ludwig felt like he was missing something. The warmth offered was gone. Now all he felt was unwelcome.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about how long it's take for me to update. I had this chapter written, but I never got around to posting it after some things came up at work (I'm working on a documentary of the town I live in) and school. This chapter hasn't been beta'd.

Ludwig startled awake to swearing. The car jerked back, his seat belt locked. He swore his heart leaped into his throat. A horn was going off and when he looked forward, he was stricken aghast at the sight of a truck racing through the intersection, narrowly missing them.

Matt angrily honked the horn as the guy in the truck flashed them the bird.

In the passenger seat, Gillian clutched her head. At some point when Ludwig was asleep, she had slipped on a large pair of sunglasses that now laid crooked on her nose. "Damn!" she cursed, then groaned when Matt floored it as soon as the guy was out of the way.

Matt ignored her, combing a hand through his hair, cheeks beet red as he fumed. "Why does everyone insist on beating red lights?!"

Ludwig swallowed thickly. "What happened?"

"Some guy tried to the beat the red light - he almost hit us!" Matt took deep breaths, trying to relax. "Anyway, we're almost to the apartment."

"Gee thanks Matt for asking if we're okay!" Gillian complained, rubbing the side of her head with a wince. Without turning around, she asked Ludwig, "You okay back there?"

"Yeah." ' _Just startled awake and nearly strangled by my seat belt'_ , he thought, glancing at the car's clock. "It's been two hours already?"

"Yeah! You must have been really tired. What, staying up late now are we?" she said teasingly.

"I went to see Father in the hospital yesterday." In the mirror, Gillian's smiling face fell. Matt seemed to shrink in on himself, as if he was trying to blend in with the seat.

"Uh...how's the old man doing anyway?" Gillian asked awkwardly, clearing her throat by the end like the effort hurt.

Ludwig looked outside the window, watching the scenery pass in a blur. "He's...he's been better," he said. After a beat of silence, he added, "Gillian...I don't think he'll make it."

Gillian pushed her sunglasses up, mouth set in a lopsided frown. "I'm... _sorry_ to hear that, uh-"

"Don't hurt yourself," Ludwig said, ending his sister's torture. "I know you two are not on good terms."

"That's an understatement."

"What?"

"Nothing." Gillian seemed to shut down, shoulders hunching and hands tucking away into her hoodie's pockets. Ludwig remembered her doing that when she lived at home. "Just...I'm sorry. I'm here if you need me," she mumbled.

Matt cleared his throat. "We're here," he stated, flicking on the turning signal for an exit that lead into a small town. Buildings flashed by, cafes and little stores, as pedestrians walked along the sidewalks. The weather was nicer here, but in the distance the storm at the police station gave chase. Many people were armed with umbrellas as they walked.

Gillian seemed to perk up a little as they drove deeper into town.

"Are you hungry? Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard is bare." Gillian glanced back at Ludwig in the mirror.

"Actually, I went grocery shopping earlier when you were sleeping," Matt interjected.

Gillian rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but whose in the mood to cook?" No one said anything, and grinning smugly, she said, " _Exactly_. Ludwig, I hope you like fast food."

Ludwig shrugged, eyes focused outside. The awkwardness from before still clung to him, making it hard for him to talk to his sister. "Anything's fine….I just want to shower."

As if trying to eliminate said awkwardness, Gillian joked, "Yeah, you really stink."

"I haven't been home in two days."

"You still rank. Don't you wear cologne or have deodorant?"

Ludwig folded his arms. "I do, but there's only so much it can do."

"Right that!" Gillian snickered. "I'm gonna pick something up with Miccy-D's while you're showering, 'kay?"

"Okay."

"Make sure to get me a salad," Matt ordered, "and lots of honey mustard."

"Right, rabbit food. You're dieting right?"

"Yeah."

"What's up with you going vegan too?"

Ludwig looked between the two, confused at what they were talking about.

Matt frowned. "Gil, you know why. Alfred supported me when I went dairy free."

"Yeah, but he didn't even last a month then. He's not going to last another week on that vegan diet either." Gillian snickered.

"Hey, don't say things like that!" After a moment, he added, "But you're right, he won't."

Ludwig squirmed in his seat and glared outside the window at hearing their chuckles. It wasn't fun feeling so left out of everything. Who was Alfred? Sure, knowing wouldn't randomly cure cancer, but at least he wouldn't feel so left out of the loop.

Soon they pulled up to a tall white apartment building. A garden formed a pathway to the entrance, while a diverting path led to an attached parking garage. Matt pulled into it, found a parking spot and turned the car off.

"I'll get food, you show Mr. Stinky here where the shower is," Gillian told Matt, earning a laugh from her friend and a frown from Ludwig.

"Hey!"

After Ludwig got out of the car and stretched, he followed Matt into an elevator, which had another set of doors opposite of the ones they entered. Matt pressed the button for the second floor. Ludwig wondered what set of doors would open.

The trip up to the second floor was silent and spent avoiding each other's stares. When they reached the second floor, the elevator lurched to a dizzying stop.

Ludwig groaned, clutching his head as the world spun.

Matt sent him a sympathetic smile. "You'll get used to it." Ludwig nodded as the doors slid back to reveal a cream colored hallway with a red carpet.

The walk from the elevator to the apartment was short, and it wasn't long before they stood outside apartment 14. Matt unlocked the door and held it open for Ludwig. With a curt "thank you", he stepped in.

The apartment's entrance was a narrow hallway, with an open bathroom door on the left and a mirror on the right. He couldn't see much else as the apartment was cast in darkness. Matt closed the door behind him, shutting out the hallway's light, but with a click, light flooded the apartment. When Ludwig looked, he saw Matt's hand drop away from a light switch next to the bathroom door.

"Place your shoes on the mat," Matt said as he toed off his shoes on a rubber mat below the mirror, and Ludwig moved to do the same.

After that, Matthew sent him a small grin and pointed inside the bathroom. "The bathroom's there," he instructed, "Fresh towels are in the cupboard above the toilet; feel free to use any shampoo and soap you want. Now you'll have to excuse me, I have to go finish some work." Without waiting for a response, he scooted past him and into the apartment, abandoning Ludwig at the entrance. Seems like Matt wasn't the type to baby his house guests.

After closing the bathroom door and stripping off his clothes, Ludwig stepped into the shower, ready to be clean after two days. While the hot water at its highest setting was lukewarm, it still felt nice. Running a hand through his hair, he scanned the array of shampoos available on the shelves. There were two, one Axe and the other some woman brand, probably Gillian's. Grabbing the axe, he squirted some into his hands, and scrubbed his head. Afterwards, he opted for the Axe body wash than the lavender bar soap, and cleaned himself down. Rinsing, and then shutting off the water, he stepped out on the mat and grabbed a towel off the toilet lid. Drying himself, he dressed into his clean clothes, grabbed his towel and left the bathroom. At some point while he was showering, someone came by to flick on the fan.

Outside the bathroom, the apartment was silent. Gillian's shoes were missing from the mat. ' _Must be she's not here yet.'_ With no sign of Matt anywhere, he wandered around the house in search of a laundry room, if apartment's even had them. He's never been in one before.

While poking his head inside what looked like a boy's bedroom, he was startled out of his snooping by Matt's soft voice, "Do you need something?"

Ludwig whipped around instantly to face him and blinked when he had to crane his neck back to look him in the eye. He didn't notice earlier, but Matt was tall, which was impressive considering how tall Ludwig was at fifteen. His long, wavy strawberry blonde hair was pushed back from his face with a thin black headband now and replacing his Naruto shirt was a baggy red hoodie that hid his muscles. He also exchanged his black pants for a pair of red flannel pajama bottoms that pooled at his feet.

Ludwig cleared his throat, and nodded down at the wet towel in his hands. "I was just wondering where the laundry room is."

"Ah, we don't shave a laundry room in our apartment; there's one in the basement though. But for now, all dirty towels go in the hamper." He waved for Ludwig to follow him and lead him back in the bathroom. Hidden in a small cubby in the corner was a basket half full of towels and washcloths.

"Oh, sorry I didn't see that before," Ludwig said sheepishly, and neatly placed it inside.

"It's okay, you're not the first person not to see it." Matt grinned, leaving the bathroom with Ludwig following. They entered the living room again where the older blonde plopped down onto one of the sofa. When all Ludwig did was stand at the end of the couch uneasily, Matt gestured to the spot next to him. "You can sit here if you want."

"Right." He sat on the end of the couch primly, back straight and head resolutely forward, which earned a laugh from Matt.

"You can relax back if you want."

"I'm fine, thank you." That earned a raised eyebrow, but Matt didn't comment.

It seems his stay would forever be marked with awkward silences as the two remained quiet. Although Matt was talkative around Gillian, it appeared that talkativeness didn't extend to him upon association. The sentiment went both ways, as he was sitting beside a stranger inside an even stranger apartment. The realization made Ludwig tenser – for all he knew, Matt could be some quiet guy with a criminal record.

The sound of the apartment door opening broke him out of this thoughts. Next, the rustling of paper bags met his ears before Gillian stepped out from the hallway and into the small living room, two McDonald's bags cradled in her arms. The smell of grease and food met Ludwig's nose and his stomach growled loudly.

Gillian must have heard it because she started laughing and winked at him. "I hope you like cheeseburgers and fries, 'cause that's what I got you. Please eat it." Gillian dumped the two McDonald's bags on the coffee table.

"Thank you Gillian," Ludwig said.

Out of the corner of his eye, Matthew cringed.

Gillian nodded. "Hey Matty, I got you your rabbit food."

Matt rolled his eyes and moved over to take his food out of one of the bags. After a moment of searching, Matthew stepped back with his salad dish, a sour look on his face. "Gil, you forgot the honey mustard again!"

"We have extra in the fridge!" Gillian said in defense. Matthew side-eyed her, displeased, but marched into the kitchen anyway. Gillian was right because soon Matthew came back with honey mustard dressing in hand.

"Happy now, _princess?_ " Gillian asked snidely.

Matthew scoffed. "I'm never happy."

"Good."

Ludwig looked between the two interestedly. They were definitely close…were they together _together?_

He wanted to ask, but bit his lip and kept silent. He only just met Gillian after several years. Right now, they were at best acquaintances.

"Ludwig, catch!"

He started, and barely managed to catch the airborne food. Something squelched, ketchup wetting the yellow wrapper; he was pretty sure he just squished his cheeseburger.

Shrugging, he unwrapped it and chowed down anyway. He would hate himself later for eating junk food, but at the moment he didn't care. Hospital food was hardly any better. And at the moment, the smell and taste of disinfectant and the sick infiltrated his senses; the taste of grease, salt, and ketchup drowned it all out.

Gillian and Matt settled back on the couch, sandwiching Ludwig between them. The teen wanted nothing more than to sink into the couch whenever they leaned forward to talk to each other. He shrunk in on himself, flinching whenever one of them accidently brushed him. Once again, he felt like a stranger.

It was around ten when Gillian finally got up to pulling out the futon for Ludwig. For a few hours, as the sun disappeared behind faraway hills, they sat on the couch, shoulder to shoulder, watching The Big Bang Theory after Gillian complained about "needing noise", and muting the television during commercials to talk.

Although it took a while, Ludwig finally relaxed enough that he joined in on their conversations. He even barked out an undignified laugh at one that made him clam up and turn red afterwards. Gillian had clapped him on the back for it.

During a commercial break, Ludwig shared that he was on summer break, heading into 11th grade next school year and had two best friends, Kiku and Feliciano. Kiku was a year older than him and had graduated that year with plans of going to Cornell University for agricultural science, while Feliciano that school year had been the only tenth grader in all of Ludwig's morning advanced classes and was gone in the afternoons due to BOCES.

He learned Matthew was a freshman at a local college on a scholarship for hockey, majoring in language and indecisive if he wanted to become a professional hockey player or a translator one day.

As for Gillian, she said she was in her second year at the same college as Matt and was employed at a diner close by. Briefly, she mentioned saving up for something, but _what_ she didn't say. And never did she mention leaving their house at sixteen. Ludwig wasn't about to bring it up. He already felt like his relationship with Gillian was hanging on by a mere thread.

After getting the futon out and Ludwig situated with blankets and pillows, Matthew and Gillian headed to bed themselves. That was an hour ago. It was eleven now, and Ludwig didn't feel any closer to sleeping.

The futon had an odd dip in the middle and his feet hung off the edge. The living room was cold and the blanket Gillian threw at him earlier barely covered him. Above all else though, he was not home. He was used to silence over the years since Gillian left; before there used to be loud music playing from her room, laughter, sometimes yelling downstairs. But as soon as she left, there was silence. After she left, Father would sit at the dining room table in their two story trailer house, sipping beer, cigarette cradled in his right hand and the window next to him open as smoke bloomed from his lips. Ludwig made a habit of sitting on a lawn chair outside to escape, doing homework or reading a book. Jogging around the trailer park also became a pastime. Sometimes their neighbors, a nice elderly couple that always baked goods, took pity on him and invited him into their house to feed him. It seemed like a gift from above when he made friends with Feliciano and Kiku because then he had places to go, places where he felt welcome and happy. Inside his home, he suffocated from the storm that hung overhead.

Here didn't feel much different than home. He felt like an invader, and in spite of all the things Matt and Gillian talked about and all things Ludwig didn't know, he couldn't help but feel there was something they weren't telling him. It was like an elephant in the room, except he didn't know _what_ it was.

He rolled over onto his side and pulled the blanket over his head, growling when his feet were exposed to the cold. He had to curl up into a ball to fit under the small blanket.

He would have to discuss with Gillian about getting a bigger blanket tomorrow, preferably a comforter. Closing his eyes once more, it wasn't long before he finally fell asleep.


End file.
